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All anyone truly has are their thoughts, and these are mine. I find it harder every day to believe in coincidence, so if you've found these writings, I encourage you to read on. Experience is a two-way street, and I'd appreciate hearing about yours. Love.

Friday, 4 February 2011

A Plane of Extremes.

With time comes understanding, and the amount dependent on how you use both, as they are relevant. 

I've never deciphered this dream, let alone been able to explain it. Nonetheless, I'm going to try, but first offer some background.

From what I remember, the first time I had ever been plagued by this dream was when I was 6 years old. I had been at a waterpark for a day, and the sun must have been a relentless force. I recall trying to convince friends and family members to accompany me on the children's rides all day, which was more than likely a constant struggle for both parties.

I was rundown. Overheated. I'll never forget entering the oven of a car, and seeing faces in the leaves of the trees skirting the bitumen. I didn't understanding why the rest of my family were clueless, and was jubilant upon the discovery. With every subtle breeze the leaves would move and create faces within faces. I figured that day that everything natural had some sort of face to it, and I still believe so. As we pulled out of the parking lot I must have fallen under, not before expressing my discovery and hearing for the first time the word "Delirious".

I don't exactly remember where I came to, but upon awakening... Well...  My best description of the dream is as follows:

I am on the smallest track* imaginable, slowly curving into an abyss of white in front and behind. An atom in width, my being as of such. The white is not blinding, nor even glaring. A similar path of the same qualities is running almost perpendicular to my own, and I can not sense any other beings upon it. There is no sound. There is no shadow. There is almost nothing.

What comes next happens with lightning speed, yet every minute detail is experienced.

I can only describe it as a gargantuan ball, immeasurable in size. It is rolling along my path. I realize that diving out of the way or trying to outrun it is useless; I don't even have a body.  It rolls towards me with shocking speed, growing in size the closer it becomes. When it is at it's nearest point, yet still observable, I see it is made up of the path on which I am... actually a part of. As it hits me, I become a part of the ball...

... And I wake up. And I lose my shit.

I feel I need to stress the immense speed in which everything happens in the strange subconscious event. The best way to describe the sense directly after is by using the word 'hopelessness'. The only remedy I have to get rid of the nausea and absolute fear is by running to the shower and sitting under the hot water for as long as possible. The warmth naturally sooths me, and with the steam surrounding, I am enveloped in safety. Only in the past few years have I been able to describe the dream with words, and even now I don't think I'm doing it justice.

*I use the word 'track' as I can't think of any other way to describe it. Try imagining a path of commas heading out in opposite directions to infinity slowly rising and falling. You might wonder how I know the path is so small in matter if I am of the same size. Well, I can just feel it.

I may have mentioned it to you before, and we may have talked briefly on it. All the key events are there. It has been over a year since I have last fell victim to it, and although I am intrigued in exploring it further, I'm hoping it doesn't present itself anytime soon.

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  1. still got that? :(
    nothing better than mama's hug hmm?? xxx

  2. Haven't had it for a while, but the only way to get over it is the shower!